Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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