Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Randomize
