Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
