i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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