Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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