I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
