we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
