OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
