i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
