Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
