Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
