So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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