Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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