does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize