Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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