I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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