Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
