ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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