the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
