There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
