It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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