he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
