I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
