how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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