im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
