i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
