found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
