Where is the hickey?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
