You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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