Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Don't EVER smell your tampon
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
