I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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