Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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