i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
