You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize