McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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