i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
