Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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