sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
