Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
my poor anus
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
