when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize