i'm signing you up for texting rehab
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
