i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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