Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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