it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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