Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
