i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
