is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
