My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize