Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
a search helicopter?!
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
