I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Your dad touched me again.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
