i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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