im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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