So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
