And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
