uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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