my room smells like sperm. sweet.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
