I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize