My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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