Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
