mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
