Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
