so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
