I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
