If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
