cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
