After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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