Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
