Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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