she's into porn, im staying here tonight
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
