nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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