it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
