Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
