third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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