no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
