He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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