i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Randomize
