I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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