Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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