I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize