well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
