Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
