I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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