i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
