Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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