I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
