All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Still dying that you shit outside
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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