If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
