dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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