Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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