Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
