his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
