Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
