So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
