Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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