I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
