Can i not drive my cunt home
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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