Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
