He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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